Decided to tackle that trendy 195 American Fusion spot downtown after reading about their wild menu. Grabbed my notebook, hopped on the subway, and got there right when they opened at 5 PM. Place looked fancy with Edison bulbs hanging everywhere, but honestly felt like they tried too hard with those fake industrial pipes on the ceiling.
First Impressions Disaster
Sat down at a wobbly table – asked the waiter three times to fix it before he shoved a napkin under the leg. Flipped open their giant leather menu and nearly dropped it. 195 items? Seriously? Took me 15 minutes just to find the appetizers section. Saw “kimchi deviled eggs” and “sriracha maple wings” next to “truffle tater tots.” My stomach already felt confused.
Ordering Chaos
Tried asking the busboy what’s actually good since my waiter vanished. Kid pointed at some $28 lobster mac-n-cheese like I was made of money. Ended up picking five dishes randomly like a stressed squirrel:
- “Buffalo chicken bao buns” that sounded safe
- “Philly cheesesteak spring rolls” because why not?
- “Wasabi guacamole” – immediate regret after ordering
- “BBQ pulled pork tacos with coleslaw”
- “Matcha tiramisu” for dessert curiosity
The Food Rollercoaster
First came the bao buns looking sad and deflated. Bit into one – cold chicken, soggy bun, and blue cheese drizzle that tasted like old gym socks. Almost spit it into my napkin. Next up, those Philly spring rolls? Crunchy outside but filled with gray meat mush. Dipped it in neon-orange cheese sauce that stained my fingers for hours.
Tacos arrived on a slate board (who eats off rocks?). Pulled pork was actually decent until I hit a chunk of fat. The wasabi guac? Straight-up punishment – like eating minty toothpaste mixed with grass clippings. Chugged three water glasses after one bite.
Dessert was the final insult. Matcha tiramisu looked pretty but tasted like someone dumped green tea powder in expired yogurt. Left half of it melting into a swamp.
The Aftermath
Got the check – $86 for basically a science experiment gone wrong. Walked out still hungry and grabbed a dollar slice two blocks away. Saw the chef smoking outside and almost asked him why he hates people’s taste buds. Honestly think they just throw random ingredients together hoping it’ll go viral.
Woke up at 3 AM with regret and heartburn. Should’ve just gotten pizza.
