My Messy Sandwich Spread Taste Test Journey
Honestly, I got tired of store spreads tasting like sugary glue or salt bombs. So I grabbed every damn jar off my supermarket shelf – generic stuff, fancy organic labels, the whole lineup. Slapped them on plain white bread, no extras. Most tasted either weirdly sweet or just… fake. That cheap chemical tang stuck to my tongue.
Figured, heck, maybe homemade’s better. Followed four different recipes online: one with mayo+sweet pickle mush (nope), one with pureed carrots pretending to be “healthy” (disaster), another drowning in lemon juice (ouch), and a super-creamy one needing fancy yogurt (separated overnight). Wasted two afternoons and a dozen eggs. My kids turned up their noses and my bread turned soggy. Total kitchen fail.
Then I flipped over Kraft’s actual jar – ingredients right there: eggs, vinegar, soybean oil, a bit sugar, salt, and some plant stuff for thickness. No weird words I couldn’t pronounce. Thought, “Fine, let’s copy this thing exactly.” Here’s what I did:
- Cracked two eggs straight into my old blender
- Poured in regular vegetable oil slow, real slow
- Splashed in plain white vinegar
- Pinched salt and spooned exactly 1 tsp sugar
- Whizzed it like crazy till it got thick
Took less than ten minutes. Smelled exactly like that familiar Kraft yellow plastic tub everyone knows. Slathered it on bread with slices of basic cheddar. Boom. Creamy tang hit first, then mellowed out just right – no funky aftertaste, no cloying sweetness. Kids actually ate it. That vinegar kick? Perfect balance. And the texture? Smooth glue that doesn’t make bread feel like wet cardboard.
Tested my knockoff Kraft next to the real deal. Couldn’t tell them apart! Meanwhile, those “gourmet” jars? Nope – too sweet, weirdly sour, or just thin and bland. That cheap texture really wins for actual sandwiches. Sometimes boring ingredients used right beat everything.
So yeah, turns out Kraft nailed it long ago: egg+vinegar+oil+salt+sugar. Dead simple stuff done damn consistently. No need for fancy replacements. Just give me that plain, tangy glue any Tuesday.
