Alright, let’s talk about this here kitchen hammer thingy. You know, the one you use to beat the heck outta stuff in the kitchen.
I ain’t no fancy cook, mind you. I just make good, plain food. But even I know you gotta have somethin’ to smack that meat around sometimes. Make it tender, ya know? Like when you got a tough old piece of beef, gotta beat it ’til it’s soft as a baby’s bottom. That’s what my mama always said, God rest her soul. And Lord knows, that woman knew how to cook up a storm.
Now, some folks call ’em meat tenderizers, some call ’em mallets. Fancy names, if you ask me. I just call it my hammer. It’s got a handle, and a heavy head. That’s all it needs. You don’t need nothin’ fancy, no sir.
- The Simple Kind: The one I got is just a hunk of metal on a stick. Works like a charm. I seen some with pointy bits on ’em, like little pyramids. Guess them’s for makin’ the meat extra soft. And some, they look like fancy mallets with wooden handles and all, real smooth. Too pretty for me, I say. Gimme the good old solid kind.
- Those Fancy Machines: Then there are these newfangled machines. Seen ’em on the TV. They do the beatin’ for ya, all automatic-like. Press a button and wham! Meat’s tenderized. I ain’t got no use for that contraption. Too much fuss, too much to clean. Give me my plain ol’ hammer any day.
- Other Smashin’ Stuff: Oh, and speaking of smashin’, I seen folks usin’ those pestle and mortar things too. Little bowls with a stick, for grindin’ up spices and such. I got one of them too, somewhere. Use it to crush up peppercorns when I’m feelin’ fancy. But mostly, I just use store-bought pepper. Ain’t got time for all that grindin’.
Now, why do you need a good kitchen hammer, you ask? Well, let me tell ya. It ain’t just for meat.
You can use it to crush ice, if you ain’t got no fancy ice crusher. Put the ice in a bag, give it a few whacks, and boom! Crushed ice. Easy peasy.
And sometimes, you gotta smack somethin’ open. Like a stubborn jar lid. A little tap with the hammer, and it pops right off. Just be careful not to break the jar, though. Learned that the hard way, I did.
And if you’re feelin’ stressed, you can even take that hammer to a bag of nuts! Whack, whack, whack! Stress gone, and you got crushed nuts for your cookies. Two birds, one stone, I say.
I even heard tell of folks usin’ their kitchen hammers to flatten chicken breasts. Makes ’em cook faster, they say. And some folks use ’em to crush crackers for breadin’. Never tried it myself, but I guess it works. I ain’t above learnin’ new tricks, even at my age.
Now, when you go to buy yourself a kitchen hammer, don’t go spendin’ a fortune. You don’t need nothin’ fancy. Just get a good, solid one, with a comfortable handle. Something that feels good in your hand. And make sure it’s heavy enough to do the job. You don’t want no flimsy hammer, that’s for sure.
And keep it clean, you hear? Wash it good after you use it, especially if you been smackin’ raw meat with it. Don’t want to get nobody sick. Hygiene is important, even if you’re just a plain cook like me.
So there you have it. My two cents on kitchen hammers. They ain’t the fanciest tools in the kitchen, but they sure are useful. Every kitchen needs one, if you ask me. Even if you just use it to let off a little steam every now and then.
And if you get one of them with a good grip, well, that’s even better. Some of these things can be rough on the hands, especially if you’re beatin’ somethin’ tough. My neighbor had one of them fancy kitchen shears, and she said she used it for all sorts of stuff but my hands, they just need a good solid handle on my hammer, you know?
So go on, get yourself a hammer. Your kitchen, and your stomach, will thank you for it. And remember, you don’t need no fancy machine to make a good meal. Just a little elbow grease, and a good ol’ kitchen hammer.
Now, I’m gonna go make myself a sandwich. All this talk about food has made me hungry.
