Alright, listen up, y’all. We’re gonna make a cheesecake, and it ain’t gonna be no fuss. Five things, that’s all you need. Don’t go gettin’ all fancy on me, this here is simple stuff, like me.
First off, we gotta talk about what goes in it. You know, the stuff you gotta go buy at the store. Don’t forget your list, or you’ll be stompin’ back, madder than a wet hen. We need that cream cheese, the kind in the little silver wrappers. Make sure it’s the full-fat kind, none of that skinny stuff. We ain’t makin’ no diet food here.
Then, get some eggs. Big ones, little ones, don’t matter too much, just get some eggs. And sugar, gotta have sugar. White sugar, that’s the one. Don’t go gettin’ fancy with brown sugar or nothin’ like that. And then, we need a little bit of somethin’ sour. Sour cream, that’s it. Just a dollop, mind you, not the whole dang carton.
Lastly, we need a pinch of salt and some of that vanilla stuff. You know, the stuff that smells good? Yeah, that’s the one. Don’t use too much, or it’ll taste like perfume. Just a little bit, like a whisper. That’s it! Cream cheese, eggs, sugar, sour cream, vanilla, and salt. Five things! Can you count that high? I bet you can.
Now, for the crust, you can use them graham cracker crumbs, the ones already smashed up. Makes life easier. Mix ‘em with a little melted butter and sugar, and pat it down in the pan. Don’t get it too thick, or it’ll be all crust and no cheesecake. And nobody wants that.
- Cream Cheese (full-fat, don’t skimp!)
- Eggs
- Sugar (white sugar, keep it simple)
- Sour Cream (just a dollop)
- Vanilla Extract & Salt (a pinch of each)
Okay, so you got your stuff all ready? Good. Now, take that cream cheese and let it sit out for a bit. Not in the sun, mind you, just on the counter. Gotta let it get soft, like butter. If it’s cold and hard, you’ll be beatin’ it all day, and your arm will be sore. And ain’t nobody got time for that.
Once it’s soft, dump it in a big bowl. Then crack them eggs in there too. And the sugar. And that sour cream. And the vanilla and salt. Now, get out your mixer, or a whisk if you ain’t got one of them fancy machines. And beat it. Beat it good. Beat it until it’s all smooth and creamy, like silk. No lumps allowed!
Pour that creamy goodness into your crust. Spread it out nice and even. Now, here’s the tricky part. We gotta bake it slow and low. You don’t want it burnin’ on the outside and still raw in the middle. That’s no good. So put it in the oven, not too hot, and let it bake for a good long while. You’ll know it’s done when the edges are set and the middle is just a little jiggly. Don’t go pokin’ at it every five minutes, or it’ll fall flatter than a pancake.
When it’s done, take it out and let it cool. Don’t try to eat it hot, it’ll be a gooey mess. Let it cool down, then stick it in the fridge. Let it chill for a few hours, or even overnight. The longer it sits, the better it gets. Trust me on this one.
And that’s it! Five ingredients, a little bit of time, and you got yourself a cheesecake. It ain’t rocket science, folks. It’s just good, simple food. Now go on and make it. And don’t forget to share, even though it’s so good you’ll wanna eat the whole dang thing yourself.
Prep time ain’t much, maybe five minutes to throw everything together. Baking takes about an hour, give or take. So, figure about an hour and five minutes total. That ain’t so bad, is it? And you’ll have enough to feed a whole bunch of folks. This here recipe makes a whole nine-inch cheesecake, so you ain’t gonna go hungry. This cheesecake, let me tell ya, it’s a good ‘un. It’s creamy, it’s sweet, it’s got just a little bit of tang. It’s everything a cheesecake should be.
So there you have it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy! You can do it, I know you can. Don’t be scared. It’s just a cheesecake. And even if it ain’t perfect, it’ll still taste good. Because nothin’ tastes better than somethin’ you made with your own two hands.
Tags: Cheesecake, Easy Recipe, 5 Ingredient Recipe, Dessert, Baking, Simple Dessert, Cream Cheese, Home Baking
