Alright, you young’uns wanna know how to cook a turkey, huh? This old bird’s cooked a few turkeys in her day, so listen up! It ain’t rocket science, but there’s a few things you gotta know if you want a juicy, tasty turkey and not some dried-up shoe leather.
First things first, you gotta get yourself a turkey. Big one, little one, don’t matter much. Just make sure it ain’t still got feathers on it! Ha! And make sure it’s thawed, you hear? Don’t be tryin’ to cook no frozen turkey. That’s just askin’ for trouble.
Now, I like to preheat that oven to ’bout 325 degrees. Some folks say higher, some say lower. 325 works for me. Gets it cooked through without burnin’ the outside to a crisp. Like I said before – no one wants burnt turkey.
Next, you gotta get that bird ready for the oven. I always wash my turkey, even if it says pre-washed. You never know where that bird’s been! After the bath, give that turkey a good pat down with some paper towels.
- Get a turkey
- Preheat oven to 325
- Wash the turkey
- Put it in a pan
Get yourself a roasting pan. One of them big metal ones with the handles. You can use one of them throw-away foil pans, but I like the old-fashioned kind. Put a rack in the bottom, that will keep your turkey from sitting in its own juices. We want a roasted turkey, not a boiled one!
Now, some folks like to stuff their turkey. Me? I don’t bother. Takes longer to cook, and the stuffing always comes out kinda soggy. If you like stuffing in your turkey you do what makes you happy, just remember it takes a bit longer to cook. If you want stuffing, cook it on the side. That way, it gets all nice and crispy. Mmm, crispy stuffing.
Before you put that bird in the pan, rub it all over with butter. Lots of butter. Don’t be shy with it! Butter makes everything better, you know. Then sprinkle it with salt and pepper. Inside and out. I like to use a lot of pepper, gives it a nice little kick.
I know some of those fancy cooks like to put herbs and spices on their turkey. Rosemary, thyme, all that fancy stuff. You can do that if you want, but plain old salt and pepper is good enough for me. Sometimes I throw some onions and carrots in the bottom of the pan, that makes a tasty gravy.
Put that turkey in the pan, breast side up. That’s important. Then cover it loosely with some aluminum foil. That keeps it from drying out too much. The foil is your friend, it will keep that turkey skin from getting too dark before the inside is cooked.
Now, how long you cook it depends on how big your turkey is. A small turkey will cook much faster than a giant one. General rule of thumb is about 15-20 minutes per pound. But the only way to know for sure is to use a meat thermometer.
- 15-20 minutes per pound
- Use a meat thermometer!
- Cook until it’s done
Stick that thermometer in the thickest part of the thigh. Don’t touch the bone, though. When it reads 165 degrees, your turkey’s done. When you think it is close to being done, take the foil off. This will let the skin get golden brown.
Once it’s done, take it out of the oven and let it rest for at least 20 minutes. Don’t even think about carving it right away! That lets the juices redistribute, makes for a much tastier turkey. If you cut into it too soon, all the juices will run out and you will have a dry turkey. You don’t want that, do you?
While it’s resting, you can make some gravy with the drippings in the pan. Just skim off some of the fat, then whisk in some flour and water or broth. Cook it until it thickens up, and you’ve got yourself some delicious gravy. Gravy makes everything better!
Then you carve that bird up and serve it with all the fixin’s. Mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, the whole nine yards. And don’t forget the pie! A good turkey dinner ain’t complete without pie.
So there you have it. How to cook a turkey. It ain’t hard, just takes a little time and patience. And remember the butter! Butter makes everything taste better. Don’t be afraid to experiment a little, too. Cooking should be fun, not a chore!
And hey, if this old lady can cook a turkey, you can too! Just follow these simple steps and you will have a turkey that everyone will be talking about. Enjoy your turkey, everyone!
