Okay, let me tell ya about my matzo meal disaster turned win. See, last Passover I bought some expensive store stuff that tasted like sawdust. This year I figured: how hard can it be to smash up some crackers?
The Setup
Dug through my pantry first. Found half a box of plain matzo crackers left from last year – kinda stale but whatever. Grabbed my blender, but remembered the blade’s busted from when I tried crushing ice cubes last summer. Backup plan: dumped crackers into a ziplock bag. Grabbed my rolling pin – the one I bought for pie crusts but only used twice.
The Crushing Chaos
First attempt: gentle taps like baking show hosts do. Big mistake. Those crackers laughed at me. Went caveman style – WHAM WHAM WHAM on the countertop. Pieces flew everywhere like edible shrapnel. Found bits behind the toaster three days later. After five minutes of aggressive pounding, I had uneven chunks like:
- Dust-fine powder in the corners
- Pebble-sized chunks in the middle
- Whole cracker triangles playing dead in the bag
Sifting Situation
Poured the mess into my strainer over a bowl. Shook it hard like salt on fries. The powder fell through nice. Big chunks got left behind like party crashers. Dumped those stubborn bits back into the bag for Round 2. This time put a dish towel over the bag before beating it – genius move to contain the chaos.
The Final Stretch
Repeated the smash-sift-smash-sift dance four times. Took maybe 15 minutes total (including sweeping up escaped crumbs). Ended up with two cups of decent meal texture. Store-bought stuff feels like baby powder – mine had this satisfying gritty feel like sand between your toes.
Lessons Learned
Don’t bother with fancy tools. Seriously – blender or food processor would’ve just pulverized it into something gross. Stale matzo works fine cause you’re destroying it anyway. Wear an apron unless you want to pick crackers outta your hair. Cheaper than store meal? Hell yeah. Worth the cleanup? Ask me after I vacuum my floors again.
